(no subject)

[karenor]

so i've got this pain. i've had it over a week now. at first i thought it was cuz i spent liek 14 hours last tuesday in a folder chair and typing and that was bad for my back. and maybe it was. cuz i was having pain all over last wednesday. on thursday i told my urologist about it and when i said it seemed to be getting better, he said it was probably nothing. he didn't examine me at all. didn't check out my scar, didn't listen to my lungs or anything.

but i still have the pain, only now its localized pretty much in the center of my chest, and ocassionally, like now it moves more towards the right or left side. right now its right. so at least i can be pretty sure its not a heart thing. sometimes its in my back too. i know there isn't anything wrong with my kidney, cuz i had an untrasound on it. but like, i'm worried that it's not going away. (lesson in karen's medical history: when they discovered my kidney cancer, it was because i was having chest pains, like a heart attack [maybe, dunno]cuz there are no pain receptors in and around the kidney, but it was SEVERE pain)

i've had pains like this before that all went away within a day or two. it's worse at night, especially when i'm on my back. luckily i can pretty much sleep in any position, back, stomach, or either side, but right now i kinda have to sleep on my side for the pain to be bearable. it still wakes me up like every couple hours.

and heres the weird thing. last night i was awakened by the rain, it was dripping on the gutter or some other metal of the new house next door and was loud as hell. i was in pain so i couldn't sleep. tried listening to music, but that didn't help, so i resolved to just deal with the dripping. it eventually stopped. and i still couldn't sleep. then the strangest thing happened: the pain just disappeared. completely. i turned to every different position and viola, no pain anywhere. so i went to sleep. this morning i woke up hoping for it to last. and it did, for about five seconds. as soon as i got up and started moving around, it was back. so maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. maybe i was asleep and dreamt the pain was gone. who knows.

it's like a dull and sharp pain simultaneously. it's positional, which generally is a good thing for pains, means it has to do with muscles and what not. deep breathing only sometimes affects it (depends on my position) so i can be pretty sure it's not a lung thing (my main concern, since that't the number 1 place for my cancer to spread). so what is it? it doesn't feel like a back strain or something since it is generally all in the front. 600 mg of motrin doesn't seem to be helping much either.

ok, so you say, go to the freakin doctor. well i kinda don't wanna. i can't justify going to urgent care unless the pain is really bad. and its not really. it's uncomfortable, at times a lot uncomfortable, but it doesn't make me scream in pain or anything. so it's always "if it gets worse, i'll go", but it doesn't get worse. it doesn't get better either. it hasn't since thursday. the doc said to call in a coupla weeks to ask about my chest xrays, maybe i should call him sooner. i dunno, i'm definitely not in the mood to get poked and/or prodded. and i don't want an ekg, cuz i hate those sticky things and the insincere nurses who administer them. and i know its not my heart. well i'm pretty sure anyway. all organs tested are functioning fine too, according to my blood tests from a coupla weeks ago (recall my post about incompetent phlebotamists).

so it's all just a little destressing. and what i don't need right now is more stress. my brother is in total freakout mode again, having tantrums threatening suicide, the usual. but he actually went to work today, so i have a few hours of peace. that is except for the ridiculously loud workers next door.

so i'm a little grrr-y today. and don't wanna do my work.

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[karenor.livejournal.com]

thanks, hollie