Dec. 7th, 2014

karenor: (fn-Peter-effoff)
Tomorrow, I'm quitting my job. It is decided. I woke up this morning knowing it was absolutely the right thing to do. It's not worth it. This hating everything, this hating myself. I'm worth more than this.

And the car, well, that's my incentive to not dawdle. I've saved enough to handily make my car payments for a year, so at least that. But six months worth of insurance is due in January. That's a big chunk. And tbh, I'm proud of my savings, and I don't want to touch it if it can be helped.

I'm still thinking of going back to school. I will weigh the options. But I will do it with a clear head. I will excercise every day, I will eat better. I will make decisions about my life while not being stressed, exhausted, and full of rage. This job was keeping me back from that. Yes, I got paid, but otherwise, my life was on hold. I don't want that anymore, and the money isn't worth it. It could be almost double and I'm not sure it'd be worth it.

Anyway, after being very, very low all day yesterday, I feel SO much better today. Because I know what needs to be done.

Quite how has been a bit of a debate. I don't want to just say this isn't the right place for me and it's time to move on, because I do NOT want to stay for more than one week (plus, I feel this will give the boss some sort of satisfaction, like I was obviously, I was never good enough). To justify only a week's notice, I feel I need a good excuse. So I think I'm going to be stretching the truth a little, and basically say I'm needed at home, and that it must be by next week. My boss will definitely ask questions, and I'm going to need to tell white lies and half-truths. But I owe him NOTHING. And even for another week's pay, I am NOT staying any longer. One week is a good compromise. I'll see them through one more payroll, and I am DONE.

I just have to DO IT. Say all this to my boss tomorrow. That's going to be the hard part. And I will feel bad for F who will have to take the brunt of my workload. But she's sharp. And I expect the boss will give her a raise rather than replace me. So, it will probably work out well for her in the end. Beyond that, I feel no guilt whatsoever. I don't care about leaving the boss in the lurch. I'm DONE.

I just need to figure out what's next. If it's school or what. I'll let you guys know when I do!

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karenor

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